“You’re an overpromoted middle manager”. In my early thirties I found myself in a senior finance role after some rapid promotions. Rather than recognising my success and achievement, these were my overriding thoughts – the inner critic telling me that I was a fraud and destined for inevitable failure.
If you have ever felt like an imposter, you aren’t alone. It’s a topic that clients regularly bring to our coaching sessions and research suggests that around 70% of us have experienced an exaggerated sense of self-doubt at some point. Ironically, success can often exacerbate these feelings as we seek perfection and chase ever more challenging goals.
I didn’t know this at the time and that my thoughts were not facts and could be challenged and overcome.
But how? Here’s how I work with clients.
UNDERSTAND
We start by building understanding of your imposter feelings – how your inner critic and limiting thoughts feel for you. We use structured questions and scaling as a framework to explore this in depth and provide a baseline to understand shifts over time, e.g:
– Do you agonise over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work?
– Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors?
– Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phony?
This provides the understanding to help you build a toolkit that works for you.
TOOL-UP
We look at what strategies and tools you can use to challenge and overcome your imposter feelings. This is all about trialling different approaches…and no lack of courage! As your coach, I’m your confidant and cheerleader and here to support you through what can feel messy and uncomfortable.
Approaches include:
* Learning to question your thoughts – does it make sense that you’re a fraud, given everything you know?
* Sharing your feelings – talking to your support network about how you’re feeling to ensure your irrational beliefs don’t fester
* Shifting your thinking from inner critic to more realistic thinking – from ‘is this possible?’ to ‘how might this be possible?’
* Focusing on others – looking for opportunities to help others with their self-belief will help you build your skills and confidence
* Focusing on your strengths – making a realistic assessment of your abilities which you keep regularly updated
* Being kind to yourself – do things as well as you can and celebrate this, rather than aiming for perfection
* Stopping comparing – this will just fuel your negative feelings. Don’t compare your insides to others’ outsides
REFLECT
Growth and transformation are continuous processes – the key to more confidence and happiness is to reflect on what works best for you.
So last, but certainly not least, we keep your toolkit under review and check in regularly on how you are doing: do you feel more equipped to deal with these feelings now?
How do you silence your imposter?
